Truth of the moment is that you can take this article as my final word on Marriage as an institution. You can also take it as sequel of my earlier article “Relevance of Astrology in Marriage Matters” (http://astrosaxena.com/ramm) which raised quite a few eye-brows. Although none ever made any comment on site regarding earlier article but I have heard some arguments in favor of marriage as an institution from my clients/friends that how important is marriage as an institution? Those arguments again made me to reflect on Marriage as an institution itself and this article is the nectar result of that Samudra-Manthan. One thing I would clarify that this article is not about astrological relevance of marriage as an institution. This is about the marriage as an institution itself as most of the arguments were not based on astrology but more on social environment. As always, I will give my most logical reasoning to everything I say here.
Let’s break it in following points –
Arguments in favor of Marriage.
Drawbacks of Marriage.
Marriage Consultation/Horoscope Matching Consultation.
Let’s cover all the points one after the other –
Arguments in favor of Marriage – Generic arguments I heard in favor of marriage is that this is an important institution which teaches us living for others, it is very selfish to live a single life, you are not contributing to the world, how universe will sustain itself etc etc. Main emphasis was that marriage is very much needed for humanity to survive. So, here I start with my responses –
Drawbacks of Marriage – So, here are the drawbacks of marriage in my most considerate opinion –
- Unnatural Institution – Marriage is basically an unnatural institution because it gives an unnatural responsibility to person, of being alive. If I get married then I am not supposed to die because if that happens then who will look after my family? Now, this is an unnatural responsibility on me as I can die at any moment. I can die the next day of my marriage or next day of the conception of my child. So, marriage is giving me a responsibility on which I can never have any control. Hence, it is an unnatural institution.
- Disconnects from Universe – Another drawback is that marriage disconnects person from others. If I have a family then I will be happy if they are safe and happy. I won’t be concerned about what is going around in world and how people are somehow pulling their lives? My only concern will be my own family. And here is the response of argument of Selfish Life of Single person. A single person has none with him/her to be selfish about. Normally, he totally dedicates his life in serving others without any selfish reason. So, a single person more unselfishly contributes to the world rather than a married family who are just absorbed by their own needs. Last thing marriage teaches us is to live for others. It only teaches to live for 3-4 persons in your family and even that goal is not achieved by 90% of population these days, courtesy - conflicts, disputes, break-ups and divorce. If marriage is really teaching something to humanity then it is selfish living.
- Contribution towards World – If this contribution is about Service to world then I have already covered it that a single person is in a better position to serve/contribute to world unselfishly. If this contribution is only about giving birth to next generation then chill guys, this world is already over-populated. Why to increase numbers even more? And if anyone wants to have a child then there are many ways these days like Adoption and Surrogacy. A single person can easily adopt a kid. “Ohh but you know it is not your own blood”? LOL. So, from where this “self-ish” thought came? And we are a nation which believes in Vasudhaiva Kutumbkam and we have firm faith that every child is from same source energy named God then what is the question of own blood or flesh? When whole existence is one family then what is the problem, right?
- Sustenance – Thankfully, there are countries and cultures in world which allow live-in relations and single parenting. They will sustain the world and mankind. No worries. Otherwise also, when our great religions say that God has sent the 1st Man and 1st Woman on the Earth, then have full faith in that Dude. I am sure that He will do it again if He sees any need and humanity will again prosper :) .
Pessimistic Approach –
- “But this is pessimistic approach. Why are you so negative about marriage”?
- Ohh really ? Death is the only reality of the life. If nothing else, at least death is certain in life and will always be on time. And speak about your positivism to those who lost their spouse very early in married life, I know a few.
- “But there is life insurance too?”
- Ohh yes and money is going to replace the importance of Father, Mother, Kids, Husband and Wife in life, right? I have even seen people who are married, have kids and they are damn careless about their own life. When counselled by me to be careful for the sake of family, I have heard this reply “there is enough money in family, insurance is there, so even if I die, family won’t have any problem in surviving”. This is other side of insurance.
- “But such sad events don’t normally happen”.
- How are you so sure that it won’t happen to XYZ person or to me or to you? I am not instilling a fear in your minds. I am only instilling a doubt. As Krishna said to this effect in Bhagwad Geeta that a thoughtful person will always be in doubts. Likewise, I have doubts in this aspect of life called Marriage because I have given considerable time in thinking on this subject. “Confused mind is an active mind” – Osho. “Only idiots are dead sure. Intelligent ones always wander” – Sadhguru. If anyone can help me in resolving these queries/doubts then I will be grateful.
Here I find relevant to bring one story of Osho Rajneesh in which a person had come to Osho complaining about his Son that he has married as per his wishes and he is now not acceptable at home. Osho said, it’s his marriage so it has to be as per his wish. But you have done what you wanted by throwing him away from home, what do you want now?
Man replied, I want him to apologize and come back.
Osho asked, why you want him back when you only made him go out of home?
Man replied, arey then what will happen to all this property and money? Who will inherit all this?
Osho said, Yes this is the reason of marriage and having kids. You are not concerned about your Son, his marriage or anything else. You are only concerned about the assets you have gained throughout life and you don’t want those assets to be taken over by any other person. You want it to be inherited by your own blood.
As I see, this is whole relevance of marriage. People want a kid, preferably Son, so that their hard-earned money and assets should stay with them even after they leave this world. They will have a peace that their own blood is using their hard-earned resources. This is also the reason why majority of people are reluctant towards adopting kids because somewhere deep down they know that child is not their own blood and they feel that they are spending on someone else’s child. (Not applicable on those who are open for adoption).
This purpose of marriage is besides the one I talked in my earlier article which I reproduce here -
"On another note, Marriage is necessary because most of us are not aware of our purpose of being here in this Universe. So, Marriage serves as purpose because after marriage person feels that he/she has a family and life should be dedicated towards the family. So, in a way, marriage gives a purpose to a purposeless life. But again it is a make-shift arrangement which is out of necessity rather than out of nature. "
Astrological Concepts – Two main astrological concepts are dedicated towards marriage, i.e. Horoscope Matching & Muhurta. Although I said that I won’t talk about astrological aspect of marriage but these are two concepts under which shelter/excuse people perform marriages, at least in India. Let’s deal with both concepts -
- Horoscope Matching – I have said it many times and I can now give you in writing on Stamp Paper that horoscopes never match. I have seen more than 250 charts for match making and there are no matching possible in those charts. I recently posted two articles on how to see difficult relationships - http://astrosaxena.com/pptr and http://astrosaxena.com/ppitr . There are so many planetary placements which can spoil relationship that I don’t know how people quickly see the Ashtakoot score and say that charts are matching and married life will be great. Ashtakoot is not a wrong system but its application in this day & age is wrong. Astrologically, only relation is permissible. I don’t like venting against any other astrologer but I again say that if any astrologer is telling you that your charts got matched and married life is going to be good then be sure that you are being fooled.
- Muhurta – Similarly, Marrying during right Muhurta doesn’t mean that one will never have a divorce/separation. It only means that marriage will be somehow useful/beneficial for you. Like, people get good alimony after divorce is also seen as benefits of marriage these days. That alimony money can help you getting your life in order after divorce or starting your own work. So in a way, that marriage proved beneficial to you. But again, marriage under Muhurta won’t mean a Rosy Married Life.
Marriage Consultation/Horoscope Matching Consultation – Then why I provide marriage and horoscope matching consultation if I have so many problems with marriage? It is because if you want to clean the mud, you have to enter in the mud. First of all, I have specifically written on site that asking for these 2 consultations is like wasting your time/money and result is that now I don’t receive that many requests related to these 2 reports. But I am still giving these reports to someone who is ready to take genuine advice in marriage matters. When Buddha got enlightened, Gods requested him to share his knowledge with others. Buddha replied that none will be able to understand what I am saying? Gods said that we understand that majority of people won't understand but still speak for those who are able to understand, may it be only one person. Let that one person be benefitted. Likewise, I am giving these consultations for those people who are ready to understand what I want to tell them and there are people who have changed their wedding plans after getting my report. So, even if I end up in guiding 1 person then also I will feel that I made some difference in this marriage-crazy society.
Conclusion – I am fine till relationship is there between two persons. After that, marriage has more social & personal motives. And as I started, I will end up with same quote – “Marriage is an unnatural institution”.
Article open for comments.
Vishal S Saxena - Astrologer